THE LIGHTER SIDE OF DICK BLOSSOM BABY a satire
By alan stuart
March 20, 2008 - 12:52am ET
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Dick Blossom Baby returned from his travels spreading good will and cheer throughout the Middle East, as is his custom around this time each year. All of the countries he visits have long-standing traditions in place to ensure that he is never disappointed. Knowing that he is but a mere humble spokesperson representing his president whom he worships and adores there is a request that will not be granted, within reason of course.
Rumors have it, he finds soaking in the perpetual sparkling flowing fountains located in his favorite respite hide-away places only the rich and famous can attend, such as Jerusalem, Golan Heights and of course floating upon the Dead Sea.
He is often quoted as saying after these relaxing soaking trips that he feels as though his “batteries have been recharged” and that “walking in JC’s footsteps really kinds of gets to him.”
Always on the move, he delighted the people in neighboring Palestine where they greeted him as usual with throngs of well-wishers who that were so overcome with good tidings for him; in some places, the crowds were so overjoyed, at times they had to be moved and restrained behind chain link fences.
After constantly badgering his annoying keepers, they finally allowed him to go mingle amidst some of the shopkeepers in an outdoor market that had reminded him of one he had just yesterday walked thru unaccompanied in Bagdad and wanted to purchase some souvenirs. He was especially interested in those vests that all the young people seemed to be wearing in all of the countries he had been visiting, certain that all he brought them to would be delighted at their uniqueness.
Delighted over this outpouring of adoration he had one of his faithful dedicated freshly castrated Nubian associates contact the King of Arabia to postpone his arrivals there telling his aid ever so politely to “make up some fucking excuse or the other.” His new associate never having heard of such a thing, simply following instructions, called and left the message, verbatim.
Not daunted by such trivial things as schedules, Dick Blossom Baby left the confines of his security detail, bulletproof vehicles and even his “every ready battery charged defibrillator” behind to walk the streets of the Gaza Strip in search for a quiet Bistro to have luch with his friends.
The display of rockets bursting in the air over his head almost brought tears to his eyes that they had gone to all of this trouble just for him. Just the sight of the children and mothers running and screaming as they ran in his direction with open arms, really gave his heart that extra boost he so often needed.
The numbers of people shared tearful joyful goodbyes at the airport where yet again he was surprised in attendance. How he wished yet again he could read the language, the signs they were waving were so colorful and numerous, he just knew they had the kindest of messages. Atop the steps of Air Force Two he turned to wave his final good-bye when he saw what these wonderful people had done as a parting gesture his composure finally cracked and a tear fell down his check.
In the twilight that was now falling, all of the terrific people had taken off their outer jackets in this chill night air, lying them on the ground to spell out a farewell message just for him. He thought again about not being able to read what it said as he ducked and went into the plane then the door closed behind him and he forgot all about the message.
Had he bothered to look out of any the many windows, the message written very precisely so he would understand, it simply said:
FUK U GO HOM
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